Saturday, December 10, 2011

Custom Territory Story . . .

By DETROIT JACK, Phallus Press Writer – Sun Dec 4, 12:59 pm TT

Photos by Detroit Jack

Custom blades flicked, stainless exhaust pipes sparkled and combs greased back locks, as the Low Riders moved in on the Customs turf.

Hot mamas pushed their leather clad boys into scuffles with the Low Riders under a desperate envious M(.)(.)N as the territorial takeover ensued.

Slashed faces, sandwiched knuckles, chain whipped torsos and fisted machine metal did battle in the open air coliseum as anxious stilettos became bloodstained prizes.

Cedrics, Deuce Coupes and Hemi's fought the good fight, but, slowly, forced back into a dark corner of the lowly garage, tires deflated, pumps exhausted and engines blown, the victors claimed their silky prizes.

Fearful of being sold as Low Rider scrap, the customs banned together with their two-wheeled brethren to do final battle!

With the Banzai Hootenanny raging in the backdrop, race lines edged to and fro, as teams of slicked back grease charged through red lights uninhibited.

Finally, the death of Justine laid all in somber reminiscence of past and future, with mutual respect achieved, and an agreed upon territorial division, now, hopefully, the garage of futures past will live in solace and with the admiration of building one from the other.

*All photos and content property of Jack Waldron (photos may not be used without written permission)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Muscle Car Invasion!

By DETROIT JACK, Phallus Press Writer – Fri Oct 29, 9:59 am TT
Photos by Detroit Jack

It made absolutely no sense, that earplugs and gas masks would be standard issue upon entering Heavysick on the night I would see my good friend from Australia . . . , who had come to Tokyo for a one night off gig with a Japanese backing band.

I did however find it even stranger that several Dirtrucks were backed up to the service door of the venue off loading massive eight cylinder Detroit Muscle action power units, that were being wheeled inside.

"Hell Yeah!" was my first reaction. A bona fide mini hotrod show to go along with some high octane rock and roll!!

But, the masks?! Damo MC (my good mate from down under) was the headliner . . .

The room dark . . . , the stage unlit. A mechanical echoed voice comes over the house speakers . . . . "Don your masks! Don your masks!! Insert earplugs now! Insert earplugs NOW!! WWWWWOOOOOOHHHHHH! WWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHH!!



*All photos and content property of Jack Waldron (photos may not be used without written permission)

Monday, August 8, 2011

God Ra's Solar Attack!

By DETROIT JACK, Phallus Press Writer – Sun Aug 7, 9:59 pm TT
Photos by Detroit Jack

Earthdom being bombarded with magnetic solar flares cast upon them by God Ra, only heightened the calls to spread Heavy Metal Glue over surface of the planet in an attempt to capture and store the energy, to be returned in the form of impulse rays designed to counter the onslaught.

Taking center stage was the goddess of Eternal Elysium, who inhaled the bovril masses to guard them from the toxic Heavy Metal Glue scorching the green planet, as the final measure was employed and the preservation of mankind took precedence.

Only the kuruucrew, who are immune to the toxic glue, would not emerge from the magnetic rays, as they slowly atomized into the quantum fields of light, dwindling to a final few, as the absorbent glue was laid over the planet.

As the Heavy Metal Glue glowed with the energy of infinitesimal atomic particles, blackening the crust beneath, the planets sphere was stretched a thousand miles here and there in waves of volcanic eruptions of gas and granite, molten and magma, fissures and cracks that forced the goddess to hovel, on the dark side, in the Church Of Misery.

As the magnetic flares of God Ra dissipated with increasing retreat, the boundless energy stored in the glue burst out from Earthdom, following the solar trail back to its source. Magnified in the trillions, the burst sealed the god of the White Heaven at its core, and there to remain until billions of light years have passed.

*All photos and content property of Jack Waldron (photos may not be used without written permission)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Guru Guru Think!

By DETROIT JACK, Phallus Press Writer – Fri March 11, 3:47 pm TT
Photos by John Kessler

Guru Guru fortune seen beyond the radioactive dream, when Mani brought the powers that be, to a synergy strewn with bodies in black, salty graves.

Poisons seep into the eyes of nature, destroying temples with acid death.

Beyond the tracks of control from which it sprang, the music of forgiveness went unheralded amongst the mass of human objects no longer hearing that which withdraws.

Wild forces convened on the inventive stricken, who clutched their memories into the deep black, while Guru Guru Makoto Temple Of Acid Minds was lost amongst the history impressed on the minds of wanton objects.


*All photos and content property of Jack Waldron (photos may not be used without written permission)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Symplegades de Hard-Ons

By DETROIT JACK, Phallus Press Writer – Sun Feb 20, 11:47 pm ET

Photos by John Kessler

As we legged the sweeping case of stairs that dropped steeply into a punchbowl of bad boys high on grade school antics . . . , the only telling sign of sanity were the Hard-Ons roaming the proscenium.

Amplified poorly from the outset . . . , sound waves went forth without regard, as mastery of the pulsating instruments gushed the legacy built upon decades of sweat drenched arenas.

Felled to our knees, we were victims to the sonic sirens emanating from the rise beyond our sight . . . , and we prayed to the gods for deliverance from this battlefield of wounded hearts.

Bodies clashed amongst naked feats of hero worship, while tones of perfection graced the lengths of the auditory canals, exaggerated for purposes even the artist could hardly know.

No, not even Machiavelli would have attempted to foresee beyond the musical horizon of the three pillars of rock and roll . . . , and yet, with the treachery of Medea fresh in our memories, we gave of our souls with the promise of youth.

Spirited away in the chariot of the sun-god, the triumphant reign of the Hard-Ons exploded in firery waves of possessive movements, culminating in the death of a broken promise of love.

Hard-Ons are not for the delusional.

*All photos and content property of Jack Waldron (photos may not be used without written permission)

Friday, January 14, 2011


By Detroit Jack, Phallus Press Writer - Sun Dec. 26, 9:01 am ET
Photos by John Kessler

It was the night before Xmas, and . . . OH MY HOLY MIWAROCK!?

Time: 3:20 am
Incident: Santa Love Doll aka. Santa Claus arrested for appearing out of character
Location: Club HEAVYSICK, Tokyo, Japan


December 25
12:15 am
Children in the Hatagaya area of Tokyo reported being awaken by ruckus laughter in the early morning hours on Xmas day. Upon further inquiry, the children were confronted by a, "fat [scantily dressed] red man in dark sunglasses", who resembled Santa Claus, and, who the children described as "an almost naked Mrs. Claus". The suspect was apparently dispersing sexy gifts to the children (such as Bitch Attack eyelashes (see photo of evidence) and, stealing presents from under the Xmas trees addressed to mommy from daddy, and vis versa.

12:55 am
Other witnesses reported seeing a "Santa Love Doll character dressed in hot pants wearing a G-string and black stockings riding in his slay with a very sexy female claus", who they say was too young and sexily dressed to have been Mrs. Claus. Further, they complained that the couple appeared to be intoxicated while operating the slay, as there were some near misses when taking off and landing.

1:35 am
The suspects were then seen entering Club HEAVYSICK in the Hatagaya after double parking their slay in front of a pet shop. Witnesses report that the front door of the pet shop was jimmied open by the Claus characters, who then spread bags of dry dog food in the entrance of the shop in order to allow the reindeer to feed.

2:10 am
After further calls of complaints, two officers dressed in drag (to hide their identity), were sent to Club HEAVYSICK to investigate the couple.

2:25 am
Upon entering the club, Thee Bat Officers report that the couple were performing some sort of ritual act in front of a crowd of pleased onlookers. The Claus couple were dispersing the gifts they had gathered from the numerous houses they had violated under the guise of being Mr. & Mrs. Claus. (see photo evidence taken by the officers)

2:55 am
The couple were arrested, handcuffed and spanked before being taken to police head quarters for questioning. NOTE: The reindeer and slay were impounded and are currently on route to Inokashira Zoo.

3:10 am
Upon further inquiry into the incidents, and after questioning, the Santa Love Doll character happens to be thee real Santa Claus. However, his sexily clad accomplice is not Mrs. Claus, but, one MIWA ROCK. Santa stated that he and Mrs. Claus have separated, and that due to the Eve of Xmas, he felt extremely lonely, had stopped off in Finland for a schnapps, ended up drinking a few too many, then arrived in Tokyo, where he crashed an office party, which is where he met MIWA ROCK, who had been hired to perform at the Xmas party. Following her performance, Santa and Ms. Rock went back to her dressing room where he began a game of costume play. The two were last seen flying away from the party in Santa's slay in a drunken manor.

3:45 am
Mrs. Claus has been notified of the incident and has agreed to carry out Santa's duties in the remaining hours of Xmas morning. Ms. Rock has been released as to avoid any further embarrassment to Mrs. Claus. Meanwhile, Santa is being held in Japan for further questioning and will be arraigned on the 27th for breaking and entering, contributing to the delinquency of minors, operating a slay under the influence and for representing Santa in a sexy indecent manor!

*All photos and content property of Jack Waldron (photos may not be used without written permission)